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Wednesday, August 5, 2015

Tallywackers? No thanks, I like wieners from Publix.


This post was originally published on MrsMuffintop.com

When I first heard of this restaurant I thought it was a joke. I hoped it was a joke, but the joke is on me. This, ladies, is real.
This is the “answer” to the women’s Hooters; who knew there was any questioning regarding that subject? Now I personally have never been to Hooters but judging from the billboards and ads it looks to me as if it is a dimly lit venue where you can buy Pabst Blue Ribbon on tap, eat greasy pub food, and ogle at waitresses who’s uniforms are circa 1983, the same year the franchise began (It’s okay to update your look, Hooters).

I remember when my nephew turned 12 and went to Hooters for the first time. He got his picture taken with the waitresses and proudly showed it to me. I asked him if he had fun and he said with a grin “The food is terrible, I just wanted to go see the hot chicks”
Gotta love an honest boy going through puberty.

I, unfortunately, have been to male strip clubs and have been witness to a few private strippers at bachelorette parties. Maybe I am just a prude but it never really did anything for me. While I am not exactly into the hairy Lumberjack look there is something about a completely shaven man wearing a speedo with a sewn-in elephant nose flopping that thing around that gives me the heebie jeebies.
I am sure the success of Magic Mike had something to do with creating this restaurant. But there is a huge difference between watching a movie with no plot where Channing Tatum gets undressed and having your average college kid walking around serving you a hotdog; cause let’s face it, the dudes who will apply for this job will not look like the ones in the ad. At best you may have slightly better than average looking guys with body (aka back) hair walking around with no shirt on serving you terrible food. If no body hair whatsoever then I would feel like a perv for looking at their pre-pubecent bodies.

Speaking of body hair - one of the grossest things that can happen in any restaurant is to get a hair in your food. I think I would get sick if that happened here. My first thought with half-naked men walking around would be where exactly did that hair come from? Makes me throw up in my mouth a little to even think about it.

Maybe I am wrong and women will flock to this like a 50% off sale at a shoe store, and for the investors sake I really hope so. But I guarantee you won’t find me in there, I prefer my waiters to be fully clothed so I don’t have to worry about body hairs getting on my plate. Unless, of course, Channing Tatum’s identical twin is there serving wieners.