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Monday, November 10, 2014

Number 2, part 2

It happened again, and again...

The day after I let the world in on my stinky little secret, that my beautiful daughter keeps pooping in public, it happened again. *sigh*

I went to pick up a couple of cute hat and mittens sets that I had made for my girls thinking I would be a nice mom and not make them freeze or be out of style this winter (cause it is so important that preschoolers are on trend). We pulled up to the parking lot where we were meeting this lady and the girls got out of their car seats and started pilaging and plundering through the trash heap that is my backseat. Chloe mentioned to me she had to potty and I asked if she could hold it to which she replied yes.

Side note - I know, I am face-palming myself too as I write this. It isn't like there isn't a history of horrid potty accidents in public places, I am obviously not the brightest bulb in the pack.

Shortly thereafter the lady making the hats pulled up and I got out to pay for them, after, of course, I threatened them with Santa, the Easter Bunny, and whatever other things I could pull out of my butt to make sure they didn't crawl into the drivers seat and start doing donuts in the parking lot. She and I struck up a conversation that got WAY off track and about 15 minutes later I was in possession of the hats and climbed back into my car.

The stench, OH the STENCH that was eminating from my darling buttercup. I turned (gag) and said (gag)"Chloe, do you need to go potty? It smells like poop in here" to which she innocently replied "Nope, I pooped in my pants" and she continued to play with whatever random toy she found shoved under the pile of old french fries and playground sand. Naturally her 5 year old sister thought this was HILARIOUS and began yelling that she was pooping her pants too while making tons of farting noises. Thankfully at this point in time there were no cars around to witness this scene. Shockingly, I keep a pack of pull-ups and wipes in the car, I pulled off her pants and panties (gag again) and put them in one of the many random grocery bags I have and cleaned her up, the entire time yelling at my older daughter to be quiet.

Two days later I was on my way home from a fun day with the girls and saw my neighbor out in her driveway, I pulled up and we started yapping like always. The kiddos kids unbuckled and started roaming the car like caged animals, then I smelled the tell-tale signs of Chloe needing to use the potty. "Chloe, do you need to go potty?" to which she replied "No (grunt) I am going now (grunt)". My neighbor, who has two kids and is past the crap-your-pants faze but vividly remembers it, naturally burst out laughing and told me that on the bright side I had an addendum to the other blog post.

In the hopes that there isn't a Crap-o-rama part 3 story I created a potty chart to bribe, I mean entice my daughter to use the toilet and not her underoos. So far so good, but we are only on day 2. I have a feeling she won't be getting the Barbie she picked out anytime soon, instead she will be getting a big box of pull-ups. Good thing I have a coupon.

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Ohhhh Crap!

We have really struggled with my youngest on getting her potty trained. I just knew that it would be a breeze, for several reasons such as:
1. She has a big sister and wants to do everything she does and
2. This ain't my first rodeo, I gots this!

Oh my, was I wrong. See I underestimated the sheer stubbornness of my littlest princess, try as I might we just were not having much luck at it. I tried every trick in the book, I bought training panties thinking if she felt wet it would totally gross her out and she would want to go to the potty. Nah, she would keep on keeping on, pee running down her leg and all. I bought pull-ups and took her to pee every 5 flipping seconds, naturally she would pee right after we pulled them back up. I perfected the potty song/dance, had a treat jar the size of my fridge, stickers out the wa-zoo, a smiley/sad face chart... NOTHING was working.

When school started we were at about a 60% success rate at home and I sent her to school in pull-ups with my fingers crossed they wouldn't kick us out after she peed on the floor like the cute little savage she is. They have an adorable little tee-pee in the room for the kids to play and read in and I just knew after she was done it would literally be a tee-PEE.

Her school is a place of miracles.

Day One - NO accidents (AMAZING!!!)
Day Two - NO accidents (This must be a fluke)
Days 3 through 5 - Still no accidents (Maybe she is getting the hang of this)

She was really doing super with going potty. We were about a month in to the school year, at this point we were super comfortable with her going to the bathroom and were having no accidents at school or at home. So we let her wear panties to school.

The baby-sitter texted one afternoon soon after we started letting her wear panties and asked about taking the kids to the park after school which I was totally cool with. Let the beasts run their energy out, please! Maybe they will fall asleep without a fight - Momma needs a break! A few hours later I got a call from my sitter (who is 22 and only texts unless something went horribly wrong). I answered thinking that an eye had a stick hanging out of it or my kids were being hauled off to juvie for torturing a fellow park goer.

"Gina, Chloe came down the slide and she had crapped her pants. There is poop everywhere. What do I do?"

Shiiiiiiiiiit. I am at work, don't have a hose with me or an industrial size trash can to contain the stench of her tiny little pants that were most likely covered in crap. To make matters worse I am sure I dressed her in a cute Gymboree outfit and those things aren't cheap.

"Um, is it everywhere? Or contained?" I asked. Turns out it was mostly contained so the sitter stripped my precious baby girl down in the creepy park bathroom, washed her hiney in the disgusting sink, and tossed a diaper on her that belonged to my sitters 10 month old son and put her pants in a grocery bag.

When I got the girls from my sitter I apologized (after making sure no feces would get in my car - priorities) and made the natural crack that she was having a shitty day. OMG, did I hit the nail on the head. You kind of expect a 3 year old to crap themselves in public, I mean the park is pretty exciting. But my sitters day was FULL of shit.

She proceeded to tell me how that morning she was teaching an aquatic arthritis class at our local Y when an incident occurred. During the class she saw something float by. She looked to see if it was indeed a log of poo and at that time another turd appeared, right out of one of the senior's bathing suit. She then did what any normal person did and yelled to get the Hell out of the pool. Some of the seniors began to (slowly) move to get out but a few others kept on and one asked if they could just finish the class since they were nearly done. The person who was deficating in the pool was in the cluster of those who wanted to finish and apparently didn't even know she was "relaxing". She finally got everyone out, shut the pool and had to clean it before coming to pick up my girls to deal with even more crap.

Talk about having a shitty day! My sitter won that contest, hand-sanitized hands down! (or lost, depending how you look at it)

Thankfully since that day my daughter hasn't pooped her pants. And I avoid the Y pool like the plague. Sorry Ya'll, you won't be seeing me at your pool party this year. Chlorine may be able to erase the germs but it cannot take away the fact that it happened, and could again *shudder*