I recently ran into some friends who, after a few moments of
catching up, looked at me with all seriousness and softly asked “How are you?”
I haven’t put many updates out regarding my health since
there isn’t a lot to tell; which is a good thing. I really don’t want to be
known as “the cancer chick” but I cannot help but have that attached to me,
especially since I have been so open about it. I have so many other things
going on that I try to focus on them but even though I try my best to move on,
it is a part of my life I can never forget and I appreciate that my friends
care enough to ask. So here is a quick update.
Right now I have nothing but good news. I went a few months
ago for my 2 year check-up and everything was good, my mammogram was clean, my
reconstructed side hadn’t popped or anything horrific- so that’s nice, my blood work is also good
(not that they check much). Even my cholesterol and blood pressure is good – go
me!
I don’t go back to the oncologist until May and I see a new
doctor since mine is retiring next month. I hope she is good and doesn’t
constantly bring up how all the meds and surgeries may cause a dry vajayjay
like my current oncologist liked to warn me about in her thick Russian accent.
Yes, she did that at nearly every visit. Even the ones with my Dad and
Mother-in-law present.
Awkward.
Because I had that hysterectomy in April I had to do a bone
density test which, by the way, is the easiest test I have EVER taken.
The worst part of a bone density scan is that you cannot
have calcium 24 hours prior. When you consider that I have had MRI’s, CT scans,
and PET scans, etc. this was a joy to attend. Also, I don’t really do dairy due
to the lactose intolerance I have developed so it didn’t make me cry to not
have to choke down the enormous horse pill I take twice a day every day.
For the scan you have to lie down on a table while they
x-ray you. It is fast, comfortable, and does not involve needles (Yippee! I
celebrate those things!). Obviously this test is typically not for women in
their 30s. Even though I was well aware that I have the organs of an 80 year
old trapped in the partially sagging skin of a 37 year old, the questions asked
made me that much more mindful that I am aging poorly and have to endure tests
that are designed for people approximately 30 years older than me. It must have been fate that I dressed up as Sophia from the Golden Girls for Halloween since I have to go to appointments typically for that age bracket.
Question 1 – Why are you here?
My response: My doctor ordered this
test to get a baseline since I had a hysterectomy a few months ago.
My thoughts: Can you not read the
damn chart? I am not here because I have nothing better to do.
Question 2 – Is there a possibility of you being pregnant?
Wait – no you wouldn’t be here if there were.
My response: Polite smile.
My thoughts? Didn’t we just go over how I had a hysterectomy?
Question 3 – Do your pants have a zipper?
My response: Yes they do.
My thoughts: Can you not look at me
and see that I am young enough to where I don’t yet wear polyester pants with
an elastic waist band? Not yet…
Question 4 – Are you wearing a bra?
My response: Yes I am.
My thoughts: For real? Why wouldn’t
you wear a bra? Especially since most people who get this test are at the age
wear if they don’t have on a bra then their chest is settling on their stomach.
The x-rays took all of 30 seconds and I was able to return
to work, Yay (not really). I had an appointment with my oncologist a few days
later who went over everything with me and assured me that my test showed that
I shouldn’t break a hip if I fall
down anytime soon. Which is a good thing since I went skating a week later and
fell on my behind, leaving a bruise the same size and shape as my cell that was
in my back pocket.
I don’t go back to my oncologist until May, when I get to
meet my new one. Here’s to hoping that my next visit goes just as well as the
last ones and we don’t have any conversations about my hoo-ha.
