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Monday, February 23, 2015

Learn from Me; Leave Your Kids at Home When it's Time to Shop

All my friends and family have always thought that Chloe was the "sweetest little thing". While she was a fatty-boo-batty at birth (8 lbs 1oz - I am 4'11", I wheezed while talking since she was in my ribs) once she left the sanctity of my womb she slowed her roll and has remained a pip squeak ever since. But her big personality makes up for her tiny stature and she always makes sure her voice is heard. Due to her undeniable cuteness and the dimple that allows her to get away with murder most do not believe me when I say this child has a horrible temper.

When Chloe was a few months old I must have forgotten to take my meds because I made the irrational decision to take both girls grocery shopping. My husband was at home and offered to keep both of them but I insisted "It will be fine. I worked all week and want to spend as much time with them as possible". So I went on my way, strapped Chloe into the Baby Bjorn and put T in the front of the cart and set to it.

Everything was fine and dandy until I was nearly finished. Chloe was tired of being in the baby-straight jacket and was getting hungry. The bad thing about breast feeding is you can't just shove a bottle into their mouths and keep browsing through the yogurt selection. Knowing I was almost done I just kept on and popped a paci in her mouth. This soothed her for about 15 seconds before round 2 started.

Once again I put the paci in her mouth and scurried to the checkout line. Every friggin' lane had a line so I jumped around and bounced like a junkie going through detox in the hopes of soothing her.

What a futile effort. She had had enough, she began to scream and cry, kicking her little feet to the point where her shoes came off and pounding me with her chubby fists. Every time I would put her paci back in her mouth she would spit it out in rage. How DARE I try to quiet her. It was so bad that people from other lines were walking over to see if they needed to call DSS on me because surely I was ripping her arm out of socket. It was finally my turn to check out and I threw everything on the belt as quickly as possible not even caring that put the milk on top of the bread all the while apologizing for the baby Hulk strapped to my chest. I threw my debit card at the cashier to pay and hauled ass out of there, keeping my head down hoping no one would recognize me.

I had learned my lesson and the next week I left the kids at home with the hubs to go to the store. It was so nice, like a mini vacation where I could look at labels and not worry if anyone was raking boxes of crap into my cart when I turned around or asking every 5 seconds for something. I was quite pleased with myself, I was able to get everything I needed and even make sure to check prices in about 30 minutes, something that would take half a day with the kids. I was planning to treat myself to a latte after that!

As I was sorting all my items onto the belt like a normal person(cold with cold, boxes with boxes, etc) the cashier had a smirk on her face.

"I remember you" she said

"You do? Um, OK" - Weirdo.

"You're baby was pitching a fit! I had never seen a baby act like that before, good gracious she was screamin' and hollerin'!!" *guffaw,chortle,laugh*

"Yep, thanks for reminding me. It wasn't bad enough when it happened so I appreciate you bringing it up today" *eye roll*

I am just glad that now we have a new grocery store I can shop at so the next time I am horribly embarrassed by my kids (and it will happen) I can switch to another one till they forget about the incident. Chloe continues to snow some but her jig is up at the grocery store.