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Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Say "Yes" to the mess

My house is an absolute disaster. With a full time job, 2 kids, and pets there is not a chance of ever having a single nice, orderly square foot in my home. I knew that it had gotten really bad when the last time I was cleaning the kids had asked me who was coming over.

I realize that I am not the only one who fights the non-stop chaos and doesn’t win. We all complain about laundry and dishes while the hubby sits on the couch watching football wondering why you keep giving him the evil eye as you go in and out of the living room putting up clothes and straightening the clutter; just to have your kids dump out a pile of Legos or *shudder* get out the play-doh.

I try. I really do, but I think I suffer from cleaning ADHD - that's a known medical condition, right? Maybe just ADD now that I think about it, I am too lazy to be considered hyper. I will start cleaning the kitchen and do the dishes, sweep the floor and then while putting the toys back that were on the counter I get distracted by the barbie bin that has been dumped out. While picking the naked barbies (why are they ALWAYS naked?) I will find a random sock so I will put it in the hamper, then I realize I need to do laundry. I will put a load of clothes in the washing machine and will see a pair of shoes in the laundry room. I will put them in my closet which I notice really needs straightened, and so on. I end up spending 5 hours "cleaning" and the house is still a catastrophe.

Sadly I have reached a point in my life where I just don’t give a damn if you come and see my home the way we live in it. If you judge my home then quite honestly I don’t want you in it. A good friend of mine feels the same way and not only do we not do the scurry-and-clean before having one another over, we tell each other our dirty (literally) secrets.
Before her son’s birthday party she resorted to placing dirty dishes in a bag and hid them in the laundry basket, this was after tossing the dirty laundry that was in the basket into the washing machine crossing her fingers it wasn’t already filled with wet clothes molding and waiting to go into the full dryer. She, like me, will grab all the crap off her counters and toss it into whatever drawer/cabinet/purse that isn’t already crammed to the brim with junk. I have been known to toss the towering pile of mail that lives happily on my counter top into a closet (only to forget and then later realize I never paid the cable/water/electric bill – oopsie).

My mom and my sisters are probably horrified when they walk into my home. They are the kind that no matter how clean their home is they apologize for the mess. I am not sure if they actually think it is dirty or if that is their passive-aggressive way to make me feel inferior about my lackluster housekeeping skills. I am not at all worried about that one lonely spec of dirt on your floor or the coffee mug that you haven’t yet washed, thank you very much.

My friend battles the same thing with her family. Whenever her mom is coming to visit she gets out the mop (that her mother gave her as a Christmas present – hint hint) and dusts for the first time since the last visit. The pressure to clean her home before her mom visits must be pretty bad (or they haven’t yet reached the “I give up” phase like I have). Her sister recently had the flu and got so sick that she hit her head and passed out. Her husband rushed her to the ER and got their Mom to come watch the kids. When she came to her first concern was not that she was so sick that she gave herself a concussion while throwing up and passed out.  Instead she was upset that her Mother was in her home without her having the opportunity to be able to do the "cram-clean".

Don’t get me wrong, I wish I were more organized and a little more anal about vacuuming and dusting. I realize it isn’t October anymore and I should really get rid of my cobwebs that helped to create a spooky ambiance (worked at the time). It would be great to be able to not lose my car keys 3 days a week or to be able to sort clothes in the laundry room without first having to move a hundred things.

I really need to suck it up and hire someone to come in to keep the house presentable. Problem is I would have to straighten it up first and lets face it, probably isn’t going to happen anytime soon.

So tell me, what are your dirty little secrets?